One of my biggest fears is public speaking. I absolutely despise it. “Nuh, huh?” you say. “Oh yes!!” I say. I will avoid speaking up in group discussions, meetings, seminars and forget about presentations. I will do anything to not do a presentation. I never explored why and where this anxiety stemmed from I just knew it wasn’t my cup of tea and didn’t really care to explore the root of my fear. Who wants to delve into shadows or closets? Not me. I figured I’d come to terms that it was just a flaw of mine I had to live with, until this past weekend.
At the practicum, we were asked to prepare a 5 minute speech and present it in front of two of our classmates. The professor reviewed the importance of persuasive speech, argument and rhetoric and effective means of communication. You might be wondering, “What’s the big deal? A five minute speech.” Unfortunately, it’s a true agony for me.
To my luck or fluke, I was placed in a group with a Speech teacher, Liesel, and Laura who’s had extensive public speaking experience. This fueled my anxiety knowing I was going to be critiqued by public speaking experts, but thought I could get good feedback. We reviewed the topic, developed three key points, and moved forward into the exercise.
Laura went first and she did great. She was poised, excellent tone, great hand gestures and was on target with the topic. I sat their hating myself for not being a good public speaker. Liesel suggested I go next and my heart started pounding, my hands were clamy, and my throat tightened up. I wanted to crawl into a hole and wait for darkness to fall. I reluctantly took my pink sticky note with my three points and I took the stage. My knees were locked, my voice was shaking, my thoughts were abandoning me and I saw people staring at me. I was horrified! I began to see our professor, Carol, walking towards me. She pulled the pink sticky note from my hand and I lost it. I froze like an icicle on a cold winter night and my emotions overcame me. My eyes welted up and a stream of tears flowed down my cheeks. I couldn’t help but to put my hands over my face and cry like a little 4 year old girl.
God placed these women in my group for a reason. I couldn’t have asked for more as they comforted me and inquired about my anxiety. This fear/anxiety is a shadow of mine. It stems from the fear of not being able to meet other’s expectations and trying to live up to people’s perceptions. There are many other underlying issues, but after this weekend and in particular that experience, I’m committed to identifying the shadows that hinder my development.
In the end, I was given the opportunity to redeem myself. After the intervention with my classmates and Liesel’s great speech, I took the stage once again and got through the 5 minute speech without a pink sticky note, tears and with a smile on my face.
Peace and God Bless!
