I’ve been feeling a little down lately. I tell myself things can be worse. So much worse. I think of Japan, Libya, Juarez, North Korea, those oppressed in third world countries, the homeless, the jobless, the ill….., and it can definitely be worse. I’m blessed to be in my spot. I have my health, a job, a bed to sleep-in and I’m going to school. So why am I down? This segment is tough.
We are working on conflict management in my program. I am the worse person to deal with conflict. Yes. I know. I said that about public speaking. Well this is worse.
Some people thrive in conflict situations. I really don’t want to go there. I don’t know how to deal with it. I run away. Shut-down. Turn-away. Vanish. Disappear. Stare into the oblivion until the big white elephant disappears, and we all know it never disappears. It just gets bigger and BiGgeR and BIGGER until it looks like it’s going to explode into tiny little pieces, but it never does.
This is learned behavior and I need to unlearn this behavior. I think back to when I was growing up. The way my family dealt with conflict was probably similar to how your family dealt with conflict, but nothing like what we see in today’s families.
In my house, there was a mixture of throwing “chanclas” using a fly swatter, “chicote”, belt, straight up back-hands, pulling hair, name-calling and a lot of blame, guilt and shame. I’m not sure what was worse the physical pain or the verbal abuse. As pulsating as the pain can be after the hit, it doesn’t come close to the repercussions of the name-calling and emotional trauma still evident 30 years later. This is why I do not do well in confrontations or conflict. This is why I was arrested 14 years ago (for those who don’t know that story, I’ll tell you if you take me out for Happy Hour).
Like I said I’ve been feeling down lately. I miss my relationships with my family members. There is a lot of pain and hurt from many years of jealousy, envy, pride, greed, mis-perceptions. The elephant is huge and it has made itself very comfortable in my life. The question is not how to get rid of it, but if I want to get rid of it. I just don’t know where to start.
Conflict management is not only about dealing with the problem, but about reconciliation for all parties involved in the problem. It’s about forgiving, understanding, compromising, and resolution. It’s what many of you teach your children today. Well, I never knew this growing up. I never learned this growing up.
I understand why I don’t know where to start. How do you say you’re sorry when you never learned how to say you’re sorry? How do you empathize when all you learned was to sympathize?
I have a few weeks before the next practicum. Keep me in your prayers as I try to lead this particular elephant out of my life. I’m still chomping away at the other one.
PEACE and GOD BLESS!
