Meet my friends Self-doubt and Binge Eater...,

Ever had a bad day? Ever had a bad week? Month? Year? Life? Eh, shake it off and keep going. Why? Because this is the only day, week, month, year and life you will ever have. Can it be any worse than what a man named Jesus lived on his last day? Or what his mother had to so helplessly see near the sidelines. Only a few can relate, but we all have bad days.

I had a bad a day few days ago. It went a little like this:

9:00am I call my friend to see if she is ready for our 5K run. “My son is in the hospital. We’re not sure what’s wrong. They are running a number of tests.”

9:30am Student at work sends me an email. It reads something like this “My husband has been diagnosed with cancer. I need to drop my classes. Is it possible to get a refund? We can’t afford to pay the out of pocket fees.”

10:30am My professor emails me and tells me I have to rewrite one of my papers. All I can conceptualize from his email, “YOUR WRITING SUCKS!” “THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!” “REDO, REDO, REDO!!”

11:00am I close my office door and I cry my eyeballs out. Self-doubt pays me a visit.

11:30am I email my classmates to ask for their assistance. They provide me with encouragement and positive feedback. I feel a little better. I show Self-doubt to the door.

12Noon My thoughts, “Must be a sign to not go to the southland. I might as well plan for another weekend alone with my computer, books, and notes. I hate this program!!!”

2:00pm My supervisor says the student can’t get a refund and I have to break the news to her. I feel like an ass!!

3:30pm Another email from my professor.

Professor: “I haven’t received your powerpoint presentation for tonights’s webinar.”

Me: “We aren’t scheduled to present until next week.”

Professor: “You both signed yourselves up for tonight’s presentation and tonight is the last webinar for this series. Send me your presentation ASAP.”

After checking the calendar and my dates he is RIGHT!!! SHEEEEEZZZOOOOO!! I haven’t even read the book yet!!!

3:31pm I close my office door and cry my eyeballs out. Pinche Self-doubt! She didn't even knock this time.

3:35pm I rush home for my notes and book.

4:00pm Get home. I have two hours to prepare for the presentation over a big piece of chocolate cake, pickles, blue cheese stuffed olives, chocolate chip cookies and soda. Self-doubt and her friend Binge Eater follow me home.

6:00pm Presentations last for two hours. Shaky voice and all I get through it. Go home Self-doubt and take your friend Binge Eater with you!!

8:00pm Open a bottle of wine and soak my sorrows.

Yes. I know what your thinking. Not as bad as what Jesus or his mother went through, or even what my friend or the student are dealing with. I agree. Tomorrow is a new day. Self-doubt and Binge Eater please stay away!!!

Listen to your fan base...,

His name is Bryan Stow. A father of two. Only 42 years old. A paramedic. A fan of baseball. A fan of the San Francisco Giants. “Go Giants!” I presume he would say. “Daddy loves you,” he might tell his children. “You’re going to be ok. Hang in there!” he might tell a victim. I don’t know Brian Stow, but this has struck something in my inner core that I can’t continue to ignore.

The Dodger’s organization believes hiring an experienced police chief might solve the problem. NO! Wait, smaller sizes of beer will do it and let’s empty their wallets while we’re at it. How about letting the police carry their guns into the stadium? YES! That will deter crime. Sure, let’s scare the wits out of them with our guns, it might stop drunks from urinating and fornicating in lawns of local residents. Seriously?! Seriously.

I’m worried about the 10-year old boy who was with those two cowards. He saw something horrific on Opening Day. How is he coping? How will this incident play out in his life?

I’m disgusted with Dodger executives, top management and ownership. The reward to find these cowards is only at $50K. This happened on your territory. Take responsibility and do something more than just contribute $25K to the reward. What a great opportunity to hire an overpriced police chief, downgrade the size of beer and overprice it while you’re at it.

Psst.., come here. Let me tell you something. It is not the beer. It is the way the organization is screwing over its fan base.

The days of taking the family out to an MLB game for under $40 are long gone. It would be nice to pay $5 for parking, $2 Dodger Dogs, $1 sodas, $6 tickets. Going to a game now is an adult outing, “Save your money people cuz we need beer money and after a long work day don’t get in my way!!” “ANGELS SUCK!” “BOSTON SUCKS!” “….and my balls are bigger than yours!!!” Figure it out and listen to your fan base.

It’s time to give back the Dodgers to its community..., to its true fan base. Those who followed them when Valenzuela pitched, Kirk Gibson was out left, and Steve Sax was on second. Those who know baseball and understand the game. It is not a place to go get drunk and hook-up with the hottie in section 34 row F seat 5. It is not a place to size anyone up. It is our national past time and we want it back.

I’m worried about Stow’s two children. I don’t know you Bryan Stow, but hang in there. I’m praying for you and I hope these cowards get caught soon. By now, they have shaved their facial hair and are growing out their bald heads. God will bring justice to them and to you.

PEACE and GOD BLESS!!

Love and math is complicated..,

It doesn’t add up?! I don’t understand?! If you say 2+2 is 4 and I say 2+2 is 4 then it sounds to me like we are speaking the same language. If we are speaking the same language and we are agreeing with the total, then why are we both seeing a different answer. Is my four not the same as your “for”? Or is your “too” not the same as my two? Or are you adding and I’m multiplying?

Love and math can be complicated. It doesn’t have to be, but we make it complicated because what we initially see is SHOCKING!! How the heck am I going to conquer that!? Self-doubt and/or self-fulfilling prophecies get in the way.

I’ve been in love two times in my life. Well, maybe three, if infatuation is love then maybe three. It is the best feeling in the world to be in love with someone. To care about another human being and to pour your heart out in your most vulnerable state, is a skirmish I don’t ever regret acting on. Yes. It can be a battle at times, just like those math problems, but in the end so worth the effort. I say this because it only makes a person that much stronger. To express your innermost feelings, needs and desires to someone, only makes you a person of true character. Not too many will cross these lines. Not too many will be that bold. Not too many will take a leap of faith in the name of love.

Many times people will become jaded after their first love. I know because for a very long time in my 20’s I had a wall up. I lived in a bubble. I was mad at the world for what that “mothereffer” did!!! It’s not like that anymore. I can’t erase those experiences, just embrace them and move forward. They are a part of me.

I’ve been working on my stats modules this past week. Stats and I don’t speak the same language. Just like love, I will put my time and effort into this initial shock of “What the heck is this?!” in hopes that in the end we will come to an agreement. Stats will be a part of me. I will love descriptive statistics and get kicked out of Las Vegas!! This is my goal. Together you and I can make it!!

PEACE and GOD BLESS!!