No, not the falling one or the running one and I really wish
it was the MLK one. This
dream explored my subconscious, as all dreams do, but reminded me that the only
one holding me back from pursuing my education is me.
There is no one to blame if I do not finish.
A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that I was in an
elevator with an elevator attendant, and the walls began to close in. Naturally, I felt out of control. The elevator attendant looked at me as
if it was a regular routine for the elevator walls to close in and crush its
patrons. I remember it vividly
with the feelings of fear and being inadequate.
Last night, I had another dream. This time, it wasn’t an
elevator closing in on me, but rather one of my professors saying to me,
“Maria, what are you doing here? You weren’t suppose to move beyond year one of
the program.” She went on to say, “this program is only for smart women who
have a family and are important.”
WOW! Dreams like those make me wish I was an insomniac and
this is coming from someone who looks forward to her subconscious journeys. I
love to sleep. I am not lazy. There is a difference.
Nine days until our November practicum. Number 8 out of 18, and it doesn’t get
any easier. Fieldwork activities,
stats project, review of research methods in a student led group, interviews,
journaling, readings, and the list goes on and on and on. Too much for the
elevator walls to hold up and thoughts of “am I capable and do I deserve to be
here?”
For those going through mid-terms, final exams, quizzes, or
approaching deadlines, “You do deserve to be here, and you are capable of
finishing.” Reach out to someone and let them know how you are doing. Do not
assume they know what you are going through. Do not wait for someone to call
you. Sometimes loved ones will
stay away to give you space and time to study. Do not isolate yourself and put blame on others for not
reaching out.
This is my dream and I’m living it consciously. I have
control and I will finish. You can too!
PEACE, LOVE, and GOD BLESS
Maria, you are so right to keep pushing forward, since I've known you, you always had a passion to help people, and this will only make you that more effective in your life's work. And yeah, that is a lot of work that you have on your plate, but it seems to be giving you a free lesson in perseverance and patience. ;) Like they say, God works in mysterious ways.
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